Forgive me for wanting to be
more celebrity than slave,
For desiring the bigger and brighter
instead of the holy and healthy
May I look to offer support and love
for fellow under-shepherds who are my peers
Instead of trying to tell myself all the ways
I supposedly am superior to them.
Still my confidence in the Cross
and my identity in the Gospel,
Fleeing any reliance in what I do,
who I know or any future endeavor
Blot out my transgression of filling
my day with the work of the ministry
When the truth is I am simply
beating around the bush of meeting with you.
Continue to cast your favor upon me O Lord
Thus far I have not deserved it
(and never will)
and yet still you give
I feel as Jacob who merited no advantage
and yet blessing was his portion
For you sovereignly declared,
“Jacob I loved.”
In the midst of all my failings
(and there are many)
I still hear your voice
and its declaration of love for me.
O God, you are my God.