I’m a Rebel

I’m a rebel and just wanted you to know it
– me being a rebel, that is.
Just listen to me and you’ll see how big of a rebel I am:

• I love Jesus but not the church. Pitting Christ against the local church is not only cool to do but it allows me to commit the sin of rebellion with impunity and still feel good about myself. Forget the fact that Jesus died for the church and empowered his people to plant, lead and commit to local churches. Why let the truth of biblical passages like Heb. 13:17 get in the way of my self-indulgence? It’s fun and it gives me my own brand of Christianity. Plus, I get to distance myself from those hypocrites that gather on Sundays. I’m definitely not a hypocrite. I’m a rebel. There’s a difference, you know. Let me explain. Just give me a second…or two. Okay, I’ll get back with you on that one.

• I don’t need any teachers but the Holy Spirit. I can’t stand Bible studies that take an issue and see what the Scriptures say to that topic in an orderly, thoughtful way. That’s such a crutch because you’re using a teacher. You know what that means, right? You’re using someone else’s thoughts about the Bible! Where’s the Holy Spirit in that? I only study Bible passages by themselves without any influence except God alone. (You’ll be lucky if I even join a ‘small group.’ C’mon, that’s so institutional!) I know it seems foolish to ignore the fruit God the Spirit produced in Christians over the centuries who’ve given their lives to understanding the Scriptures but surely I can divine Holy Writ as well as the next person. By the way, do you know of a good commentary for First Corinthians?

• I like to drop four-lettered words. I know I can’t really find much in the New Testament (or Old) about the saints throwing language around, but I feel it’s my mandate to show the world that cussing is truly a cultural phenomenon. I’m a rebel you know. Damn [pause for effect], restraining your tongue from profanity is probably a sign of legalism. I mean, just look at Jesus. Wait, scratch that. Nevertheless, I’m going to sprinkle just enough curse words into my speech to not only give the impression I’ve been set free from that cultural albatross (and treat it like it’s an essential belief – you know, like The Trinity or the Atonement) but also ensure language-teetotalers will feel uncomfortable when we fellowship together. Told you I was a rebel. And seriously, who wants to be known for a clean mouth?

• I need no accountability. Accountability is just codeword for someone else ‘policing’ my life. Remember, I’m a rebel. I don’t need anyone in the church (I don’t really care for ‘them’ anyhow) confronting me about anything – be it the elders, my small group members or other fellow Christians. Listen, if I want to put stuff on Facebook, Twitter or any other social media that would call into question my commitment to Jesus then so be it! It’s my life and I’ll do as I please! So do me a favor and keep your thoughts to yourself because there’s obviously no other reason why you would talk to me about the choices I’ve made outside of just wanting to make me uncomfortable. I’ll live for Jesus (or not) the way I want. Damn [again, pause for emphasis], you guys act like Jesus died for a group instead of just individuals!

So now you know; I’m a rebel. Deal with it!

Hey…come closer…can I tell you the real reason I like being a rebel? I like being a rebel because it gives everyone the impression I’m really moving forward spiritually when, in reality, I’m going backward. Thinking of myself as a ‘Christian rebel’ allows me to pick and choose what I like about Jesus – so all that stuff about accountability, submission, community, personal holiness, etc. can stay on the cutting room floor. I like being a rebel because I get to dress up like I’m spiritually mature when I’m not.

Okay. I’m done. I’m a rebel and thought you’d like to know. At least, I want you to feel like you need to know. Besides, following is so NOT me.

Now what is it Jesus wanted me to do?